There is so much confusion and misinformation regarding sex within the human potential and spiritual growth movement. Is it bad? Is it good? Is it the key to development and spiritual growth? The questions keep going.
So, what is the real truth about sex and it's relation to human development and spiritual growth other than the obvious – pleasure and procreation?
First, let’s define what I am referring to when using the term sex. I prefer– copulate. To copulate, means to engage in sexual intercourse, derived from the Latin word, copulare, which means, to join together. So, there it is. The true meaning of sexual relations is to join together.
What is being joined together? Is it just man and wife, the male and female gender or any two adult human beings?
Suppose I should put out a disclaimer here: I am not making any value judgments regarding sexuality. This article is purely to provide another perspective on copulating besides the common one.
Allow me to explain.
As I have mentioned before, while incarcerated almost two decades ago, I experienced a Kundalini Awakening. (I’ll get into that further below.) In East Indian Spirituality, a Kundalini Awakening refers to an activation of the dormant energy that lies coiled at the base of the spine. When awakened, the energy travels upward in a serpentine fashion along the spinal column through several pathways until finally reaching the top of the crown. This process liberates an individual's awareness to allow him/her to experience a greater connection to Self, others and the rest of the world. Yes, many other cool changes and exciting healings happen, too.
Typically though, an Awakening doesn't transpire in one quick explosion. Rather a series of ongoing bio-energetic transformations strung together that can last for many years is the common occurrence. It depends on each person’s lifestyle choices.
Yes, I said choices.
The Kundalini process is either expedited or impeded by lifestyle behaviors. The primary lifestyle habit that will either speed up the process or slow it down relates to sexual behavior. The energy referred to as the coiled serpent is none other than the sexual energy or Kundalini. As we, humans, move into adulthood, more and more of this vital energy is spent in the game of life, particularly in sexual relations (either personally or with a partner). As a result, the Kundalini Energy Reservoir is very deficient in most people. Weak reserves will make any Kundalini Experience almost impossible, never mind a full-blown Kundalini Awakening.
This correlation reflects the reasoning behind why some monks, priests, and other religious zealots guard against sexual relations all together. Sadly though, most of these folks don't possess the true understanding of the relationship between the sexual energy and their spiritual practice. Many times the true knowledge is replaced with fallacies like, "sex is bad” or “unholy behavior except in marriage.” This outlook on sex or copulating creates a host of health problems and relational issues. (But, that is another topic for another time.)
In the right context, sex and the sex energy can be a huge asset to our potential, both in health and growth. Mindful copulating will encourage and build the vital force that leads to a Kundalini Experience, and even possibly a full-blown Kundalini Awakening. As you may know, there are a great many sexual practices that foster the growth of the Kundalini Energy. Some of them are Sexual Qi Kung, Tantric Practices, and Spiritual Coupling. Careful though, one must guard against sexual addiction or abdicating personal responsibility onto the partner for spiritual development. Each of these practices help (and I've personally gained from them), however, I found a spiritual aspirant will develop faster once he/she can let these practices go and learn "true coupling" within.
The true coupling I am referring to is the joining of the male and female energies within ourselves.
How do you do this?
Well, it's rather simple, but it is not easy!
Let’s go back to my experience. When I first arrived in prison, I was overwhelmed by where my life ended up and who I'd become – a drug and alcohol addicted, a violent-tempered criminal, a first-class mess. From rock bottom, I reconciled to find out why I'd made such poor choices, and to discover how to never to make them again.
Unknowingly, I began a contemplative practice.
Up to that point, my life experience was focused outward. Then, I took a 180-degree turn inward. There is the key. My "attention" was staying home so to speak. I minimized the loss of any vital power of the Kundalini Force (sexual energy), and that reservoir began to build, strengthen and compound.
Along with the contemplation practice, my lifestyle was more balanced. I went to bed at the same time and got up at the same time. I ate three balanced meals at the same time. I exercised each day by walking, stretching, and light strength training, plus I breathed much deeper while doing so. I no longer watched television nor engaged in fruitless conversation. And most importantly, I did not participate in any sexual activity.
Well, unknown to me, the combination of that radical lifestyle change and abstinence built up a brew of powerful energy. After about 9 months of this practice, a huge explosion happened within me...at least, that’s how it felt. A powerful surge of energy shot up from my pelvic floor all the way up to my skull and beyond. Following, a complementary force began from somewhere above my head and moved downward along the same path. My general experience was of pure exhilaration and ecstasy.
Two other experiences occurred that are worth noting. A great sense of connection to everything or whole oneness washed me, like a coupling or joining together of all my parts. Plus, time seemed to slow down to near slow-motion. Of course, all of these cool experiences didn't last very long. After the big bang, I was left with a surging force that, for much of the time, was torturous physically, emotionally, and mentally. From time to time, I would have the more enjoyable experiences, but for many years afterward, there was mainly the excruciating surging force. Until one day, I noticed my general experience had shifted into an expansive feeling of delight accompanied with a sense of wholeness or unity – true spiritual coupling.
In one word, the key to all of this is attention.
Energy follows attention, and if attention is focused on material life from moment-to-moment, energy follows it. The more I relaxed attention inwardly, the stronger the Kundalini grew. Therefore, it is imperative to gradually bring attention back home into the body, so that the Kundalini can build and eventually lead to total liberation.
Hopefully, you can see how important the sexual energy is in reaching your full potential – both spiritually and humanly. Without it, we won't get very far.
In my next article I'll outline the basic practice of attention, which is taken from the section, The Work, in my upcoming book, Shen Life, Reach For It, The Next Step In Human Potential.
Until then, keep it in your pants! ;-)